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Join me and Stefan Rudolph in a candid conversation about our personal battles with addiction, the journey towards sobriety, and how we transformed our lives. From struggles to triumphs, this discussion sheds light on overcoming life’s toughest challenges and finding new beginnings.

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Your host, Nathan Crane, is a Certified Holistic Cancer Coach, Best-Selling Author, Inspirational Speaker, Cancer-Health Researcher and Educator, and 20X Award Winning Documentary Filmmaker with Over 15 Years in the Health Field.

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#redemption #SobrietyJourney #LifeTransformation

Audio Transcript

 

(This transcript was auto-generated so there may be some errors)

 

00:00:00:01 – 00:00:04:07
Nathan Crane
Mr. Stefan Rudolph .Man it’s Been a long time. How you doing, brother?

00:00:05:23 – 00:00:23:13
Stefan Rudolph
That’s why I thought it was so meant to be a man that the book publisher was always thinking of you, you know, being an inspiration. And we’ll talk about this a lot. But, you know, from the start to the beginning, I mean, from the beginning, you know, there’s no end but a new start in life. So I think about you a lot and watch your emails and your podcast and everything.

00:00:23:13 – 00:00:27:21
Stefan Rudolph
So it’s been like ten years, I think, since we met. Exactly. Almost.

00:00:28:06 – 00:00:32:13
Nathan Crane
Dude, it’s been a long time, man. We, um. Has it been ten years?

00:00:33:21 – 00:00:36:24
Stefan Rudolph
Yeah, 2013. I remember because I had an ankle bracelet on when I met you.

00:00:38:19 – 00:00:40:20
Nathan Crane
Yeah, we bonded pretty quickly over that.

00:00:42:03 – 00:00:51:19
Stefan Rudolph
I think you were the one to notice that my sock had a big bulge in it. And you didn’t say, is that a watch or something? You just knew, like, hey, that looks familiar. You said something like that. I go, Oh, you know, that is.

00:00:53:09 – 00:01:21:13
Nathan Crane
Yeah, I wore one of those when I was like 15, 16 after I got out of juvie, sent back home, and then they put me on house arrest for I think it was supposed to be a month, a month or two months, something like that. And I kept like going outside the boundaries and things like that and kept getting, you know, every time you go out the boundaries or whatever, then you’d get like punished and you have to be on it longer.

00:01:21:21 – 00:01:26:09
Nathan Crane
I can’t, but I was on it for like months or something. I can’t remember how long, but it like never.

00:01:26:09 – 00:01:39:04
Stefan Rudolph
I didn’t have the balance thing. But you must’ve had. Yeah, like if you could go outside your house, they know the GPS reports it and then the next day, like if I was to do the thing that it did for me was take a sweat test every 30 minutes for alcohol.

00:01:39:15 – 00:01:59:14
Nathan Crane
Swab sweat test. So I had to do a breathing like I had to breathe into some device like every so often. That’s why. Right. Because you’re not allowed to drink at all. I mean, I was a teenager. You’re not allowed to drink anyway, but I was full blown alcoholic as a teenager. And that was one of the issues, one of the many reasons they sent me to juvie and put me on house arrest.

00:01:59:14 – 00:02:17:07
Nathan Crane
Right. So I had to like, yeah, they would like call it at a certain time and it was in the house and then I had to like breathe into it and I had to it was like voice recognition dude. The technology they had over 20 or was that over 21 years ago I think. Right. 15, 16. Yeah, it was 12 or 20 years ago.

00:02:17:14 – 00:02:25:18
Nathan Crane
It was like voice recognition. It had a sensitivity thing on it. It was like you couldn’t have somebody else blow into it for you. You had to do it yourself.

00:02:26:01 – 00:02:39:18
Stefan Rudolph
Yeah, that was the big thing. My breathalyzer in my car. I did that a couple of times. I had a sober when I was still drunk in 2008 a lot, but I had a sober passenger. And one time I remember giving it to him and he blew in it. The car would start.

00:02:41:01 – 00:02:43:18
Nathan Crane
Yeah. And that worked. Where you got that. Yeah, it.

00:02:43:18 – 00:03:00:02
Stefan Rudolph
Works because every randomly the same thing for a breathalyzer once you once it goes beep beep, beep. You got like a minute to pull over and blowing it and you don’t ever pull over. I never did that. But I was drunk one time. Oh, man, you know, can you start this or. No, I had to I had to give it to him to start the car.

00:03:00:12 – 00:03:13:04
Stefan Rudolph
And he’s like, Yeah, what are you doing? I go, Well, I had a couple of beers earlier and he goes, What you are you’re you’re on your on probation. Oh, no, it’s not a big deal. It’s not a big deal. And so he blew it. And then we’re driving. About 10 minutes later, it went off again. He blew it again.

00:03:13:04 – 00:03:20:14
Stefan Rudolph
We got home. I don’t know what I was doing driving, but I guess we can discuss that to some of this journey.

00:03:21:09 – 00:03:34:17
Nathan Crane
Hey, man, we’re talking about it. We’re rolling. This is super, super casual, you know, podcast, just friends talking. So, hey, how long you been sober now?

00:03:34:17 – 00:03:46:05
Stefan Rudolph
I lost count. That’s good. What is it? 11 years. 11 years since the time I met you. That’s the irony of your first book that I saw. What’s the name again? Sorry, but the.

00:03:46:11 – 00:03:47:17
Nathan Crane
The 27 flavors.

00:03:48:11 – 00:03:51:07
Stefan Rudolph
Yeah, 27 flavors. So me, Nate here for everybody.

00:03:51:07 – 00:04:10:11
Nathan Crane
I got it right here. We just. We did. We just redid the cover, added a new expert as part of it. And dude, I remember I remember the thing that I actually tell people is your story because you would bring this book to the gym. Where do we where do we mean? It was a 24 hour fitness, I think.

00:04:10:21 – 00:04:12:24
Stefan Rudolph
Fitness playing racquetball in Vista.

00:04:12:24 – 00:04:14:20
Nathan Crane
Yeah, it was L.A. Fitness or 24 hour fitness.

00:04:15:12 – 00:04:17:09
Stefan Rudolph
L.A. Fitness, definitely Ali Fitness.

00:04:17:09 – 00:04:38:00
Nathan Crane
So yeah, you’d bring this thing there. And it was so epic to see, like you every chapter was marked up and you had notes and you underline and highlighting and all that stuff. I was like, That’s one of the things that I think we connected, you know, right away. It was like, I saw how passionate you were about your own personal development, personal growth, just as I am.

00:04:38:03 – 00:04:58:12
Nathan Crane
I have been, you know, for 17 years and like to take a book and like mark it up and read it, you know, write it down and make notes and all that stuff. It’s like this dude serious about personal growth, about health, about his own life and, you know, for me, like, I see someone that that’s, you know, who’s that serious about their own growth?

00:04:58:12 – 00:05:00:08
Nathan Crane
I’m like, this is a dude I want to hang out with.

00:05:01:02 – 00:05:07:04
Stefan Rudolph
Yeah. And we have that age category. I feel like I joke about my age. I’m 52, by the way now.

00:05:07:11 – 00:05:16:09
Nathan Crane
But I always think, Yeah, that’s crazy. I always think you’re like early forties to now. Holy shit, that’s crazy. Yeah.

00:05:17:00 – 00:05:45:06
Stefan Rudolph
But I turn. I turn the numbers around. I always do this stuff in life. I’m 25, dude. I feel like when we met two, especially at that time in 2013, so I was 42, but -25 years of drinking plus, you know, so much, so much sobriety. I kind of do do the math that way. I feel like I lost a big part of my life for those out there that know what I’m talking about with addiction and recovery and then going back and forth and then losing everything, getting everything, you know, it was like I had this life and I lost it.

00:05:45:14 – 00:06:03:04
Stefan Rudolph
And then I had it again and I lost it. And it was a cycle of insanity. Every three years for me. I got a DUI for DUI and it was like doing better, losing it, doing it. So I feel like 25 years out of my life, I didn’t lose it. I learned from it. And that’s why I’m here at this age as Generation X to help people.

00:06:03:19 – 00:06:19:09
Stefan Rudolph
You as a millennial, to help people us to come together, to help people. You know, I just really bonded with you because of your story then. So I’m playing racquetball with Nate here and and we’re playing, I think maybe a couple of days. I don’t know exact time, but we’re, you know, pretty good teammates together, you know, playing doubles.

00:06:19:09 – 00:06:38:04
Stefan Rudolph
And I go out of the off the court one time after the game and there’s a says 27 flavors of fulfillment Sitting Outside Your Bag by Nathan Crane. I go, You’re an author. I want to be an author. I want to do this. I wanna do that. And so we just like immediately the Law of Attraction. God, everything else in the universe brought us together and I started learning about your story.

00:06:38:04 – 00:06:43:14
Stefan Rudolph
Then we played in some tournaments a funny picture with us sitting there. I think we won second place and we got a.

00:06:43:14 – 00:06:46:22
Nathan Crane
Little bit of money. We won a little bit of money on that one. Then we we had like a check for.

00:06:47:01 – 00:06:47:22
Stefan Rudolph
$25.

00:06:47:22 – 00:06:53:01
Nathan Crane
It’s I think my daughter was like in that picture to see her daughter’s in the.

00:06:53:01 – 00:06:54:24
Stefan Rudolph
Picture going, Oh, what’s going on?

00:06:56:07 – 00:06:59:19
Nathan Crane
Did racquetball was I mean, you still play, right?

00:07:00:19 – 00:07:01:03
Stefan Rudolph
Yeah.

00:07:01:11 – 00:07:19:17
Nathan Crane
Yeah, you’re still pretty. There’s I bet you’re really good. I haven’t played forever, but when when I was playing there, you know, five, six, seven days a week with you there, L.A. Fitness, it was it was so addicting and it was so much fun. And it was like one of the coolest it’s one of the coolest sports there is for sure.

00:07:20:02 – 00:07:40:20
Nathan Crane
Like, it is just it’s so fast and you got to be so quick and you got to be so spot on with your shot. Yeah. We’d go in there and play for hours to 3 hours, just sweating like crazy. I love it, man. I haven’t played, actually. I played about I picked up my racket some few months ago, went to L.A. Fitness here and started playing a little bit.

00:07:40:20 – 00:08:01:23
Nathan Crane
But I just I’ve got other training priorities right now. So it was like I put them put my rackets back down. But getting back into it was a lot of fun. Yeah, I got out of it when I moved to Santa Fe, New Mexico, because, like, there was nobody that played. I went from having a gym where we’d have, what, like 20 to 40 guys every night playing for hours.

00:08:01:23 – 00:08:14:22
Nathan Crane
And then I moved to Santa Fe, New Mexico. This was from San Diego to Santa Fe. And there was literally I couldn’t find anybody to play with. So for seven years I just, you know, collected dust on my rackets, which kind of sucks, but I bet you’re really good.

00:08:15:20 – 00:08:33:04
Stefan Rudolph
Yeah. Racquetball. The addiction I felt to it was a replacement for the addiction I felt to alcohol, to drugs. And I really emphasize that in my book now and to helping and coaching. And what we work with is be addiction to something else in life, to health, to wellness, to positivity, you know, and use the objects in life as fuel for growth in life.

00:08:33:11 – 00:08:50:03
Stefan Rudolph
And I was under the impression that I would never play again. If you remember my story too, I had epilepsy. I had 20 years of epilepsy that I dealt with from a football injury in high school and then later had brain surgery in 2007. So when I came back one year sober in 2011, I moved back to San Diego.

00:08:50:03 – 00:09:11:10
Stefan Rudolph
I got in the court for the first time and literally encouraging Mesa. I kissed the court, I got down on my knees and I kissed the court. I love racquetball. All my biological father introduced it to me when I was like 11 years old and back and forth. That was a good addiction. It helped me lose weight, stay healthy, but then alcohol took over my life from like 2008 until 2012.

00:09:11:19 – 00:09:32:12
Stefan Rudolph
So even if I tried to get back into racquetball, I couldn’t because it the epilepsy returned and I was just being stupid as an addict is and drinking escaping I was hung over and then I would try to play racquetball. In 2009, I had a seizure. I cracked my head open in the Vista locker room there. I had multiple seizures in 2009 and ten before we met.

00:09:32:22 – 00:09:52:21
Stefan Rudolph
And again, racquetball was the addiction and alcohol was the addiction. And I chose alcohol, you know, and I even saw my rackets in 2010 and 11 and I saw all my gear. I, I couldn’t I couldn’t handle life. And I was just constantly escaping. And I chose alcohol over fitness and ended up with a DUI two years later.

00:09:52:21 – 00:10:00:18
Stefan Rudolph
You know that that fourth DUI was my final DUI. Luckily, I stopped gigging. They call it right. So, you know.

00:10:00:24 – 00:10:09:00
Nathan Crane
What was it for you that got you finally got you sober? So you finally had your last drink around 2013 or 2012, is that right?

00:10:09:01 – 00:10:33:21
Stefan Rudolph
2012 The last night of my DUI, October nine, 2012. I was also addicted to poker, to gambling, you know, Texas Hold’em in Oceanside. There’s called Ocean’s 11 out there. And I was a local there. I became like heavily addicted to gambling because my income in life was going up. So physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually and financially, I’d say the five categories of life.

00:10:34:06 – 00:10:54:20
Stefan Rudolph
I was very successful financially in 2010 and 11, but physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually I was lost and I started just looking for a escapism, a way out. And I got into Poker Texas Hold’em and it was fun. It was I would win 500, you know, I think I’m all bad. And the next day lose a thousand, you know, the next day when 300, next day you lose 500.

00:10:55:02 – 00:11:15:21
Stefan Rudolph
And it was back and forth every paycheck I got making 80, 90,000 a year at the time was gone. I literally had in my spreadsheet of a budget how much I could drink that week, $300 alcohol, $3 day gambling. And it was part of my budget. That’s how bad it was. And it was fun to a point, you know, when you’re an addict, you’re having fun.

00:11:16:06 – 00:11:39:11
Stefan Rudolph
But again, going back, I gave up racquetball, I gave up fitness, I gave up health. I just didn’t care. I really could not see the light in life, I call it, to get out of there. So in October nine, 2012, I went to multiple bars. I kept drive and drinking and driving to bars, you know, three bars at night I end up at the casino and I blacked out and I had about $800, if I remember correctly.

00:11:39:11 – 00:11:57:16
Stefan Rudolph
I was looking down at all these chips and I wake up about 2 hours later or whatever time it was, and the guy’s like, Why did you bet that? You know, he’s looking at me like, What a dumb ass bet. And I was like, What? And I looked down. I had the worst hand, and I lost $800 or some huge amount of chips, everything I had lost every cent in my life except for the change in my car.

00:11:58:02 – 00:12:07:14
Stefan Rudolph
And I drove out. I bought a burrito for some reason, three out of four. My DUIs were Alberto’s related, so I laugh at that now, but I was always getting a burrito. I remember.

00:12:07:14 – 00:12:15:13
Nathan Crane
Those Alberto’s. I remember those Alberto’s brother was man, those were those words addicting as alcohol. Tell you what.

00:12:15:13 – 00:12:16:17
Stefan Rudolph
I’ve been eating them longer than you’ve been.

00:12:16:17 – 00:12:17:18
Nathan Crane
Alive. Yeah, so.

00:12:19:03 – 00:12:38:19
Stefan Rudolph
30 plus years there, ESCOVEDO But I remember getting that burrito, and then I blacked out again. And instead of getting on the freeway right there, remember, in 76 and I-5 here in Oceanside, I blacked out and I was going down 76 inland, you know, and I wake up and I’m in a big four by four lifted truck, you know, the machismo part of making money.

00:12:39:07 – 00:12:54:15
Stefan Rudolph
And I’m driving and I go, Where am I going? I just was like kind of stunned. Like, Why did I go this way? The universe got everything brought me that way. And I think it was about 1130 at night that I was driving home and a lady he had pulled out in front of me and it was her fault in the long run.

00:12:54:22 – 00:13:12:00
Stefan Rudolph
But it was very ironic. She’s at a red light. She turns right. It’s on El Camino and 76 up here in Oceanside. And I went over her hood of her car. If she was about five feet further out, I would have killed her and her passenger. I’d still be in prison to this day. I got so lucky I didn’t even see her.

00:13:12:00 – 00:13:29:08
Stefan Rudolph
I blacked out and I wake up to this boom, boom. And I thought it was a speed bump, literally. I thought, Oh, I look up in it and I lost control of the vehicle and luckily it was lifted. If it wasn’t lifted, I would have smashed into her. It went over her hood literally, like, well, boom. And I look and I spell out 180.

00:13:29:13 – 00:13:48:09
Stefan Rudolph
I look up Oceanside Police Station. I’m right in front of the police station, dude. And I was just like, Thank you, God. I immediately was like, I was so upset. I started crying and I’m like, Thank you. That’s where this book came from. And the idea started on the seed that was planted that night. I need this. I’m too addicted.

00:13:48:09 – 00:14:06:18
Stefan Rudolph
I’m too messed up. I get out of the car, I look at her, she’s okay. She’s like, I’m sorry immediately. Luckily she said, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. It was my fault. Otherwise that would have been a felony. I would have been in jail. Even if I didn’t kill her, it would have been a felony. And in the long run, the cops came out because it right there I got arrested.

00:14:07:03 – 00:14:23:09
Stefan Rudolph
I didn’t say anything. I didn’t even take a breathalyzer. It denied everything. I was on a probation for my third DUI already, so I had to have 0.0. As you know, you’re on probation, you can’t have anything. And I said, nope, I’m not doing the breathalyzer. I’m not doing anything. I can’t do this. I’m just just take me and just whatever.

00:14:23:09 – 00:14:40:09
Stefan Rudolph
Do a blood test. And they were trying to make me walk and do everything. I thought I was being smart by denying everything. But basically in the law, if you deny everything, you admit guilt pretty much, you know, even though they haven’t tested you lose your driver’s license, you lose your ability to for a year. And I just didn’t care.

00:14:40:09 – 00:15:01:00
Stefan Rudolph
I went to jail that night and I think she was drunk. Honestly, a little drunk. I was wasted beyond repair, I call it. And later I blew a 0.24. They found out from my blood test that we were 0.24. So that is three times above the limit. You’re in San Diego, in California. And the way they got it, though, was I went to jail and said, I’m not going to do.

00:15:01:00 – 00:15:16:05
Stefan Rudolph
I was fighting them. They had three sheriffs on me holding me down. I did not want to do a blood test. I want to just to get it out of my system and, you know, take a test tomorrow. They knew that. So they had like literally just three big guys holding me down, took a blood test and that was it.

00:15:16:05 – 00:15:35:19
Stefan Rudolph
And I still didn’t admit anything. I just was like, I don’t want to answer any questions. I want an attorney. Thought I was smart and they processed it the next day and then they said, okay, you can bail out. They didn’t run my record. Ironically, here’s the whole irony of the story and the meant to be, as am I call it, is I was in jail and I thought, I can bail out.

00:15:35:19 – 00:15:53:14
Stefan Rudolph
It’s 20 $500 if, you know, 10%, 250 bucks. Okay, I can do that. And God Universe said don’t don’t go anywhere. You need to absorb this moment, be in the moment and now be thankful for jail. Be thankful for the DUI, thankful for the accident. And I said I need to be in here at least a night or two.

00:15:53:14 – 00:16:11:05
Stefan Rudolph
You know, I want to see what the jail is like in a crazy way. And I did. And I went in there. But then they process my background and they said, this is your fourth DUI, this is going to be your fourth DUI. You have a $75,000 bail now. And I couldn’t get out and I had to pay and I didn’t have that.

00:16:11:05 – 00:16:34:20
Stefan Rudolph
And I was like, What did I do? Universal Living in reverse. I wanted to get out. I was having withdrawals. I was having doubts, delirium, tremors. They put me on medication for my shakes coming off alcohol. That’s how bad it was. And I just denied still everything. I never admitted I had drinking that night, but they knew with that blood test, they processed it and they said, Well, we have to ship it up to Sacramento with all the other tests.

00:16:35:04 – 00:16:52:01
Stefan Rudolph
It’s going to take about 3 to 4 weeks. So do you want to bail out? It’s like I was stuck. I was stuck there. And and it took four weeks to get back. Am I good buddy takers? Who is that? My attorney. I mentioned his name because he went to the same high school here in Escondido and he became a DUI attorney, ironically.

00:16:52:18 – 00:17:09:02
Stefan Rudolph
And I got him through my mom. I was able to call and got an attorney, and it took about four weeks. Once I got the blood test back point to for whatever it was. And I was like, dang, you know, he’s got all this experience. He goes, You could have you should have been dead. Probably, you know, you should not be here or you could have killed somebody.

00:17:09:19 – 00:17:34:08
Stefan Rudolph
So humbling me for six weeks in there. Exactly. The irony of this is 42 days I spent in there to one week a processing four weeks to get the blood test back, another week to get through the court, get my ankle bracelet on. And I was sitting in there writing, like you said, I was I was reading I was taking a lot of notes and just being able to be thankful in every way and every, you know, in the efforts to thank you, as I said.

00:17:35:00 – 00:18:00:14
Stefan Rudolph
So I came up with that in jail. I wanted to be thankful and I got processed and then I got the ankle bracelet. But the whole thing I said, I need to understand why I’m here and how long I’m here, and 42 days I did the math later times 24 hours is 1008 hours, 4 hours of processing in 4 hours process, you know, and I wrote the book later 1000 thank you to the 1000 power.

00:18:01:06 – 00:18:18:23
Stefan Rudolph
So I was thank thank you thank you thank you all day every day for that many days. I was thankful and I said, that’s exactly 1000 hours that I was in there. You know, it didn’t come until later, like two years later. But when I did the math and I realized I need to help other people and I need to get my message out there.

00:18:19:06 – 00:18:35:04
Stefan Rudolph
And I didn’t know what to call it, but I just came up with that later and be thankful every minute of every day and turn the fuze thank you’s. So you inspired me as well. Stories like you, everything else. So it’s been a journey for all of us, right?

00:18:35:04 – 00:18:52:02
Nathan Crane
Yeah. It’s crazy, dude. It’s. I mean, it’s amazing that you didn’t kill that woman, and. Yeah, and you did, you know, did that right in front of the police department, which was. Yeah, no. Because same let’s say it was technically her fault and then, you know, she doesn’t want to deal with it. You don’t want to deal with it.

00:18:52:02 – 00:19:14:16
Nathan Crane
You guys drive, go your separate ways, and then, you know, maybe maybe you do end up killing somebody when you’re driving again because you didn’t actually get arrested that night. You know, the what ifs. You could go on forever. But I do really believe and I’ve seen it in my own life, you’ve seen in your life a lot of people seeing it in their lives where, you know, when you’re when you really want to be on the right path, but you’re struggling, right.

00:19:14:16 – 00:19:37:04
Nathan Crane
And I mean, right path, meaning like you want to do good, you want to be good. You want to you know, you want to live a good life. You want to, you know, maybe help others or find your purpose on this planet or have a sense of fulfillment or be healthy. It’s like you really you’re yearning for this sense of whether it’s spiritual fulfillment or personal or or, you know, personal fulfillment.

00:19:37:20 – 00:20:02:07
Nathan Crane
And you’re you’re trying, but you’re struggling. It’s like the universe. God, you know, does show up to help you. I mean, especially when you ask, you know, when you ask God to help you and you ask for that guidance, when you ask for that support, it shows up in really interesting ways, sometimes in ways that you can’t even imagine or fathom or think that that’s actually what you need.

00:20:02:07 – 00:20:24:17
Nathan Crane
Like in that case, almost running this lady over and going to jail. And then, you know, you you had the wherewithal and the wisdom to say, hey, thank you for this. I needed this right? Most people don’t. And I didn’t for a long time. You know, I went in and out of jail, you know, house arrest. And, you know, when I got on probation, first time I got on probation, I think I was I was early teenager.

00:20:24:17 – 00:20:45:12
Nathan Crane
I don’t remember how old I was. 13, 14. And my probation officer comes in and, you know, puts puts my file on his desk and it’s like got a couple of pieces of paper in it. Right. A little manila file, very thin. He said, this is your file. And then he grabs his other kids file, slams on the desk.

00:20:45:12 – 00:21:05:03
Nathan Crane
It’s like this thick, right? And he’s like like, this is what happens when you don’t do the right things and you just keep coming back and coming back and coming back to be on probation forever. Right? Right. Like this kid, he’s like, this is your file. Now let’s keep it like this. No more infractions, no more, you know, anything.

00:21:05:03 – 00:21:26:18
Nathan Crane
And I was like, okay, but you know, for me, it wasn’t that wasn’t enough to, you know, keep me out of trouble. And by the time I finished probation, I still remember this. He pulled out my file, and this was a few years later, I was supposed be on probation for like a couple of months, and I was on probation for years.

00:21:26:20 – 00:21:53:09
Nathan Crane
Right. He pulls my file and puts on the desk. And I remember looking at it and it was thicker than that kid’s the first one that oh my gosh. And I was just and that was like it was a big realization. He didn’t say anything about it. I remember just seeing it and I had that flashback and I was like, Holy shit, you know, thinking back of like all the arrests, all the charges, all the in and out of jail in juvie and, you know, the continuous house arrest and on and on and on and on and on and on.

00:21:53:15 – 00:22:31:04
Nathan Crane
Same thing. Like I had these miraculous, you know, situations even throwing knives at cops and like them letting it go and not charging me a felony and all kinds of things where I swear I had angels looking out for me. There was a deep part of me that I know wanted to live a good life. And there was the conscious part of me that had no idea how to do that, and I was just digging myself deeper and deeper and deeper and deeper right into drug addiction, into drug dealing, into, you know, alcoholism, into theft and robbery, into hanging out with, you know, gang bangers and gang members and, you know, and it was just

00:22:31:04 – 00:22:50:01
Nathan Crane
like darker and deeper and darker and deeper until it literally was like, I’m going to be in prison for the rest of my life. The feds are looking for me. They’re arresting my friends, asking about my name. You know, off the highway, an unmarked black SUV is right. And they’re telling me about this later. Like so I’m going to be in prison or I’m going to be dead.

00:22:50:11 – 00:23:07:13
Nathan Crane
That’s it. Those were like the only two things that I saw. And then my best friend at the time, Gabe, he goes, I’m moving to San Diego. I got to go. I got to get out of here. You know, I was 18 at that time, and and I just thought, this is my ticket out. I’m going with you.

00:23:07:18 – 00:23:31:22
Nathan Crane
You know, I’ve got to change my life. I got to and and like within a short amount of time, we packed, you know, suitcase jumped in my 88 Cadillac Coupe Deville, you know, red and white leather interior, you know, I don’t know, 100 song. Yeah, we had like a couple hundred bucks and we drove San Diego in Oceanside, ran out of gas there, and basically started my life over there, which, you know, that’s.

00:23:31:22 – 00:23:36:13
Stefan Rudolph
Where it I remember you told me that the universe put you there because you ran out of gas right on the 78 there. Right.

00:23:36:20 – 00:23:55:16
Nathan Crane
Well, basically, we we went down to go. So he had Gabe had family in right near Tijuana in Chula Vista, and then an uncle in Oceanside. We went down to Chula Vista. We thought we’re going to stay with his aunt and she was going to kind of get us on our feet and stuff like that. She basically says, Nope, not helping you guys.

00:23:55:16 – 00:24:11:22
Nathan Crane
You guys are trouble far away. So then we go to Oceanside. We literally like we were down Chula Vista, we stopped by the beach and we were like, I think we had like a few bucks left to our name, barely enough money for gas to even get up to Oceanside. He gets in touch with his uncle who was in Oceanside.

00:24:11:22 – 00:24:34:13
Nathan Crane
And, you know, that’s a whole other long, crazy story. But chapter moving in with this guy that was like, bring in all these, you know, illegal Mexicans across the border, giving them papers, giving them identities, giving them jobs. These were good people, you know, working hard. This wasn’t his uncle, but the guy that we met through his uncle that gave us a room to sleep in for a while.

00:24:35:01 – 00:24:55:09
Nathan Crane
And, you know. But bring him across the border. Give and jobs, give them, you know, a place to stay and and, you know, papers and stuff like that, because they want to take care of their families in Mexico and any any way. Long story short with that was, yeah, we drove to Oceanside because that’s where Zongo lived. He got us first to stay and that’s we were out of money by that point.

00:24:55:09 – 00:25:11:22
Nathan Crane
It’s like we ran out of gas. We had no money we needed to borrow, you know, I think we borrowed like 100 bucks from his uncle. We were Dave and I were sitting, you know, in Oceanside, you got the main street that runs down there that’s got all those little shops, the CBD shops and all that kind of bars and stuff, right?

00:25:12:08 – 00:25:29:13
Nathan Crane
Right along the beach, right before you get to the beach, you’ve got like that main street. I don’t know what it’s called. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We’d sit down there on the sidewalk and Gabe would play his guitar and we would sing. And I’m, you know, I think I’m a great singer, but nobody else does. I don’t know why.

00:25:30:06 – 00:25:54:22
Nathan Crane
You know, we we’d make like $5 a day and we literally go and buy bread and lettuce. We make bread, let us sandwiches, and we had a refillable one gallon jug that after, by the way, people don’t do this, don’t reuse regular plastic jugs, especially for weeks, because they’re not meant to be reused. You know, after two or three weeks of that, it was like I would have this smell.

00:25:54:22 – 00:25:58:22
Nathan Crane
Mike, where does the smell come for? Smells like rotten. You know something?

00:25:58:22 – 00:26:00:09
Stefan Rudolph
It wasn’t a beat all day, too.

00:26:01:14 – 00:26:17:10
Nathan Crane
And then once I was drinking, it smells like, oh, it’s the water. Oh, it’s the jug. We’re like drinking is moldy anyway. Bread, lettuce, sandwiches. And that’s, you know, we were on the street basically playing, you know, five bucks a day. People give us money just because they felt sorry for us, you know, they’re like, What the heck are these kids doing?

00:26:17:10 – 00:26:34:02
Nathan Crane
Yeah, but that was it. That was the start over, you know, that was. And I actually so got sober for the first time in many years and I was 18 years old and I because I started people don’t know like the first time I started smoking, I think it was like nine years old, first time I smoked weed.

00:26:34:02 – 00:27:02:08
Nathan Crane
I was in between ten, ten and 11. I think, you know, start smoking cigarets at that age started drinking by 12, hard drugs by 13, 14, full blown addict, you know, from basically 14, 15 years all the way up to 18 years old, full blown addict and multiple drugs, cigarets, alcohol, everything literally almost dead at 18. And and so that was first time I was sober in like years, you know, and I was with nothing, right?

00:27:02:08 – 00:27:26:09
Nathan Crane
A few dollars a day. And I felt better and more free and happier than I had felt that I could even remember. It was so amazing, you know, to be there basically homeless on the side of the street, making $5 a day with nothing. And I felt so free. I felt so happy because the first time in many years I felt like there was actually something, you know, like this new.

00:27:26:09 – 00:27:31:17
Stefan Rudolph
Adventure with a weight lifted. Like maybe that weight was lifted off your shoulders. Is that right?

00:27:33:00 – 00:27:52:17
Nathan Crane
Absolutely. The way you had the fog. Right. Like the fog like when you’re smoking weed every day you’re drinking every day you’re doing hard drugs every day, poppin pharmaceuticals, doing cocaine, you name it, you know. And it’s like all that is just gone. And here’s crazy to talk about, you know, God universe supporting you. I tried stopping. I actually didn’t even try.

00:27:52:17 – 00:28:14:24
Nathan Crane
I was like 17 years old and I couldn’t drink alcohol for like 6 hours one day because we had to go. I had to make some money. So I was moving some furniture and I started having the debts and I almost died that day. I was so sick, shaking, throwing up everything. I got the debt so bad. I mean, I’d wake up and drink, you know, shots of vodka at five in the morning, you know, vodka and orange juice.

00:28:14:24 – 00:28:37:03
Nathan Crane
I’d drink, you know, between my dad and I, you know, half gallon of vodka a day. Easy, right? Like full blown alcoholic at 16, 17 years old. And when we moved to California and I got we got sober cold turkey. I had no withdrawals, I had no debts. And I was I was clear minded within 24 or 48 hours.

00:28:37:03 – 00:28:56:10
Nathan Crane
It was crazy. I’d never had anything like that before. Stopping all that. And then I was like, on this high, this mental, emotional high for like the next six months. It was so incredible. I was just like lining yourself up with what you should be doing in your life. That’s good for you. I really feel like angels come gods.

00:28:56:10 – 00:29:14:09
Nathan Crane
They’re like, You get this support to help you do the right thing, but you got to take the action, right? Leaving our lives behind and starting over like that was hard action. You know, like, that’s. That’s not easy for people to do. Like you, you know, it’s like you took that action and said, Hey, I’m like, I’m done with you.

00:29:14:21 – 00:29:36:14
Stefan Rudolph
People out there, people out there speaking to everybody has a they you have to have a higher power and sobriety doesn’t matter. Remember, in AA and any they say if you don’t believe anything, it’s a doorknob. The doorknob there I just pray to the doorknob or meditate. And that’s the thing that we do that we met you meditate your holistic healing that I liked about you, the nutrition that you were doing, everything.

00:29:36:14 – 00:29:54:11
Stefan Rudolph
And I was like, Wow, I never thought of meditation. I was introduced to in 2004 at a rehab trying to save my marriage at the time and I could not be quiet. There’s a big room of people doing yoga and then we had to meditate and all. And I was like, I was like laughing. The ego was so controlling that it could not handle silence.

00:29:54:19 – 00:30:16:02
Stefan Rudolph
And this other young lady was there. We’re talking and, you know, kind of flirting even at the time. And she started laughing, so we ran out. That was my first introduction to meditation, and we’re laughing about meditation. But later, that’s what sobriety and what your lifestyle on the kind of we started. What we started sharing was health, nutrition, wellness, and I call it in the book map, which is meditation, awareness and prayer.

00:30:16:12 – 00:30:35:09
Stefan Rudolph
And if you don’t pray, I just say positive thinking about meditation and manifestation awareness and attitude, you know, change your awareness of who you are around your attitude and my prayer and or positive thinking. So a lot of it shifted in your life going back because you just sobered up at, what, 18? But when when did you fully sober up?

00:30:35:09 – 00:30:36:11
Stefan Rudolph
I was curious to like.

00:30:36:24 – 00:30:56:22
Nathan Crane
I was going to I was going to ask the same question, like how many times did you get sober and then, you know, fall off the wagon again? Because for me, it took a long time. It took a long time to fully get sober, right. Like I was sober. So they did sober for like six months, which was the longest had been sober in probably five years up to that point.

00:30:56:22 – 00:31:20:03
Nathan Crane
Right, four or five years there was two or three years where I wasn’t sober for a single 24 hour period from when I was maybe from 15 to 18 or 16 to 18. I wasn’t talking about being stoned, high drunk on hard drugs, cocaine, meth, opium, you name it, literally 24 hours a day for 2 to 3 years, nonstop.

00:31:20:03 – 00:31:41:03
Nathan Crane
Right. So that’s why I mean, when I got sober for those six months, it was like I was actually more high. Then when I was high, it was so incredible. But six months and then I kind of like, you know, I got I was on this high paced sales job. I was commissioned only I was, you know, really grinding and I was working shit.

00:31:41:03 – 00:31:57:24
Nathan Crane
We’d work, we’d start like seven, eight in the morning, wouldn’t be done till like 9:00 at night. And then, you know, a lot of young, you know, salespeople were hanging out with and all of a sudden, you know, get invited to a party, start drinking a little bit. Yeah, I would drink on the weekends. That’s all right. You know, a little drink here and there.

00:31:58:10 – 00:32:19:20
Nathan Crane
Little smoke here and there. No problem. And then all of a sudden, just like that, it’s like I’m drinking every night. So I’m working like 16 hours a day. And then we drink for, like, you know, until midnight, sleep five or 6 hours and then start again and do that seven days a week. Because that job I literally we had pretty much no days off and it was crazy, man.

00:32:19:20 – 00:32:44:14
Nathan Crane
That company actually went bankrupt. They had a bunch of problems. They were a T-Mobile reseller, you know, largest one country. And then, you know, I got promoted to assistant manager and and manager and the district manager. I was running multiple locations, you know, hiring, managing, training, firing, recruiting and being a top salesperson at like 19 years old, you know, one of the youngest, highest paid.

00:32:44:14 – 00:33:02:16
Nathan Crane
And then I got a promotion to be a regional sales director, all of that within like less than a year and a half. But at the same time, my health was deteriorating, my mental wellness was deteriorating. I was still smoking cigarets I hadn’t quit smoking yet. I was still smoking a pack to two packs a day. So I’m like 19 now, going on 20.

00:33:03:13 – 00:33:31:15
Nathan Crane
Then I get this promotion to basically be making six figures a year at like 19 years old. I’m, you know, managing multiple teams of people, multiple locations, hiring, training, firing. And I’m getting sick. I’m eating breadsticks at the mall. You know, I’m eating three Red Bulls a day, drinking three Red Bulls a day. Big, huge thing. A Starbucks in the morning and like a big bag of bread, you know, breadsticks, buttery, cheesy breadsticks, Red Bull, cigarets and then drinking it.

00:33:31:20 – 00:33:57:14
Nathan Crane
No. Oh, did I was like, no wonder. No wonder. I started getting sick. I started and talk about, you know, the universe speaking to you. I literally got the invitation to corporate to be promoted to regional sales director, which was like huge, huge thing for this company. Right. And at the same time, I had just been on this downward spiral, spiral of feeling more and more sick.

00:33:57:22 – 00:34:19:08
Nathan Crane
More and more sick. And this I’m like, what is going on? And this voice inside saying, You need to quit. You need to quit, you need to quit. And I finally they gave me the promotion and I turned it down and I quit right there on the spot. And I said, I can’t do this anymore. And I spent a month just like drinking all my money away, any money I had left over.

00:34:19:15 – 00:34:41:20
Nathan Crane
I just drank it away. And then I got this boom, this inspiration call, this real estate guy who tried recruiting me, you know, a year prior and called him, got an interview. I literally that week I made some huge decisions. Number one, I said, I’m done smoking. And I quit smoking cold turkey. And I had the worst three or four days in my life.

00:34:42:03 – 00:34:57:12
Nathan Crane
It was terrible. I tell my friends that I was living with. I had some roommates. I was like, I’m going to be an asshole for like the next three days. Just deal with it. I was like, I’m quitting smoking and I did it and it was tough. But I went down to that interview with this young, you know, young real estate millionaire.

00:34:57:12 – 00:35:17:03
Nathan Crane
And I’m sitting with him and I’m like, I’m like shaken. My hands are sweating and I’m like, I feel so weird. And I told him, I’m like, I’m sorry if I seem weird and I’m sweating. I just quit smoking like three days ago. But, you know, long story short with that is I got sober again and then here I am with these young real estate millionaires.

00:35:17:03 – 00:35:40:12
Nathan Crane
Boom, start partying again, going to clubs every night. I’m not even 21 yet. I get a fake I.D. and we’re partying at clubs downtown San Diego every night and they’re spending thousands of dollars. And I’m just going along for the ride, showing up in BMW, seven fifties, you know, the whole thing. And then, you know, there was a couple of times there were like one time I did ecstasy again, which I swore like I’d never do hard drugs again.

00:35:40:24 – 00:36:01:14
Nathan Crane
And I did. I did ecstasy. And I felt so bad about myself because I had taken, you know, probably a couple of years where I hadn’t touched it. After I moved to San Diego and I did Ecstasy and I just I felt I did something so terrible to my good friends. Like I hit on my good friends girlfriend and it, like, destroyed our relationship, right?

00:36:01:15 – 00:36:21:05
Nathan Crane
Nothing happened between us, but like, I was hitting on her and it was just so like, it damaged my integrity of myself so much and damaged my relationship with my friend that like, it just. And I felt so terrible after doing that drug, when before I felt amazing in Montana doing it as a teenager. Right? I was addicted to all that stuff.

00:36:21:21 – 00:36:41:15
Nathan Crane
I did that one time and then never touched it again after that. And then same thing about it within a year later, you know, when did cocaine again one time felt so terrible, you know, up all night I couldn’t sleep. I just felt like a piece of shit, literally. I was like, Why am I doing this? What is wrong with you?

00:36:41:15 – 00:37:00:15
Nathan Crane
And then just my mind, boom, going through this repetitive thing in my mind of like, this is it. Never again, you know, just keep repeating to myself, never touching this again. This was a mistake. Never do this again, just like thousands of times. And so that was the last time I ever touched that. I think I was 20 or 21.

00:37:01:02 – 00:37:30:06
Nathan Crane
And then. So that was you 16, 15 years ago. And. But then. But then and then. So never again with that I never get into hard drugs, even pharmaceuticals. And it not even right. But and cigarets cold turkey weed same thing. But then the I did do weed a couple of times here and there over those years, but it was more of like a ceremonial kind of meditation, spiritual kind of experience, which is conversation for a different day.

00:37:30:14 – 00:37:53:00
Nathan Crane
But basically, stop, stop that as well. The tough one for me was alcohol, man. It’s run in my family for so long that was the toughest for me to finally, finally quit 100% because I would convince myself, yeah, I don’t need hard alcohol anymore. Right? I’ll just drink beer and wine. But hard alcohol is bad for you. So stop hard alcohol.

00:37:53:01 – 00:38:11:13
Nathan Crane
And then I’d be drinking beer and then I’d go from the weekends to every day or whatever. And I was like, No more beer, just wine. And then, you know, wine. I’d have one glass. I’m like, Wine’s healthy. It’s good for your immune system, blah, blah, blah, bullshit. They tell you it’s just not true, you know? It’s definitely not good for you at all.

00:38:11:13 – 00:38:39:06
Nathan Crane
It’s. It’s it destroys your brain. It, you know, increases your risk for chronic diseases. It enhances chronic inflammation. All the benefits you get from resveratrol and, you know, antioxidants in the wine is is basically gone, is lost by the toxic effect of the alcohol that you’re drinking. So like, yeah, you feel good, whatever. And I don’t care if people have a glass of wine a couple of days a week.

00:38:39:06 – 00:39:03:09
Nathan Crane
Do what you want to for me, it was I finally got to that point where I was just like, I can’t do this anymore. One glass returning to two, it turned into three. I drink the whole bottle, you know, one night a week would turn into two to return to three. And so this was around the time that my son was born, we were in Santa Fe, New Mexico, and my wife was getting tired of me making excuses about drinking wine.

00:39:03:19 – 00:39:24:16
Nathan Crane
And and I finally got to that point where it’s just like, what are you doing? You want to be as spiritually advanced as you possibly can be. You want to be mentally, emotionally, just, you know, top notch. You want to achieve your highest potential as a human being. You want to be healthy and you’re still doing this shit, you know, thinking that wine is good for you.

00:39:25:02 – 00:39:50:03
Nathan Crane
And so I finally made that final decision. This was in 2000. This was around 2015, I think right around the time my son was born, 20 1516 was the last time that I ever had a drop of wine. Those the last alcohol I’ve ever had. So it’s been eight years? I think so, probably around eight years. So you’ve got you got a few more years on me, which is yeah.

00:39:50:03 – 00:39:52:13
Stefan Rudolph
It’s like a seven year. But it was, it was tough, man.

00:39:52:13 – 00:40:15:15
Nathan Crane
It was tough ups and downs, ups and downs, ups and downs. So finally in that place, in my mind, it was just like never again. And I tell you what, I am happier now being sober than I ever was ever before and have no, no desire. Thought, wish. I don’t miss out on anything. I can go to parties, people drink, I can go to bars and clubs, people drink.

00:40:15:15 – 00:40:29:01
Nathan Crane
I’ll have a club soda. I will dance, I will have fun. I’ll hang out, have conversations. I’ll go home at 11, go to sleep, wake up. Feeling great? They’re going home at two drunk, waking up with hangovers. I don’t.

00:40:29:17 – 00:40:48:24
Stefan Rudolph
Feel drunk. And you don’t remember most of the night, most of what I did when I was partying was fun, but I don’t remember most of it. That’s how stupid it is. And then waking up, going back to the breathalyzer, some mornings, I would wake up to go to work and I blow up .04 and it wouldn’t start because I had to, you know, it had to be 100.03.

00:40:49:04 – 00:41:04:07
Stefan Rudolph
That’s how much the alcohol would stay in my system. And I realize what you went through in that eight years now it’s like little by little tries to they call it an AA. They call the devil doing push ups on your shoulder. You know, it’s like this voice that says, you can handle it. Come on, you know, just.

00:41:04:07 – 00:41:24:20
Stefan Rudolph
Just drink a little wine. It’s okay. Smoke another cigaret. Little voices within us, the old me versus the newbie is what I call it, the ego versus the spirit. And I found out by me focusing on my self, the passion in the heart has to get to the mind of action and I found and in between these two areas, there’s a mouthful of excuses.

00:41:25:03 – 00:41:42:16
Stefan Rudolph
So when you have this passion and it would say, yeah, don’t drink, don’t do that like 4 a.m. to 8 a.m., almost every morning like you throwing up sick, I’m never going to drink again. Why am I doing this? You know, and I would pray and I would do everything. And then I would literally throw up two or three or four times a week and go to work and then finally come back.

00:41:42:16 – 00:41:49:21
Stefan Rudolph
And I had to just say I’m done. But then at 6 p.m. I was drinking again. It was the insanity, right.

00:41:50:12 – 00:41:51:11
Nathan Crane
That’s the incentive part.

00:41:51:11 – 00:42:11:14
Stefan Rudolph
Of the subconscious, too. Well, take on this book. Let me real quick on the chapter. I have a chapter named after Subconscious, just unconscious. So the conscious part of me was saying that you’re okay to, I guess like the ego. The ego was saying that you’re all right. You can do this, you can handle it. And part of me said, No, I can’t.

00:42:11:14 – 00:42:23:09
Stefan Rudolph
I don’t want to do that anymore. And this is how my life ended up in 2005, if you can see that. That was my father’s car, my stepfather’s car right here. And it was in two accidents in one night.

00:42:23:16 – 00:42:27:02
Nathan Crane
Describe it for people. Describe it for people who are listening and not watching.

00:42:27:03 – 00:42:49:13
Stefan Rudolph
Oh, just listening. I had a an addiction to poker, as I mentioned, in 2005. I was gambling a lot, still off and on, had lost my marriage, lost my house, gambled everything away, lived with my parents and Petaluma, California. And I finally was just I had a seizure at work again. I was having seizures a lot, too. Started a new job with Michael Gerber.

00:42:49:14 – 00:43:04:17
Stefan Rudolph
You may have heard of him from Imus. I was working for the company E-Myth. That’s the spiritual side that always drew me in, like worked for John Ashcroft, I worked for Michael Gerber. I worked for all these companies. I was just like, This is great. I’m working for Michael Gerber. I love E-Myth. So I go out and party, you know, you go out and make the money.

00:43:04:17 – 00:43:23:12
Stefan Rudolph
I made my first check and go out and played poker all night Ms. sleep missed medication. I was drunk the next morning, went to work, had a seizure at work, cracked my head open in another way, like got a cut in my head. It was just horrible. I go back, I go to the hospital that day. My stepfather picks me up.

00:43:24:06 – 00:43:38:03
Stefan Rudolph
We’re driving back to his house. I have another seizure in his car, two seizures. And one day I go back to hospital for a while and I get checked out. That night I go back to their house and I felt like I was 16 years old. Like like you back in the day. I didn’t even care. I wanted to sneak out the window.

00:43:38:07 – 00:43:59:13
Stefan Rudolph
But literally, I was 34 years old at the time. I was 34 and I had another beer with all that medication in me and I blacked out. I only had literally beers that day, all day. Like from the time that I got out of the hospital and I blacked out so bad, I snuck out the window. I got in his Mazda coupe, whatever it was, I don’t know what it was at the time.

00:43:59:20 – 00:44:15:11
Stefan Rudolph
And I stole his car. I stole my stepfather’s car and drive, and I got to go to the casino. I got to get to the casino and gamble, man. I’m going to have some fun. I got 20 bucks to my name, literally, and I go in there and I was all wasted. They wouldn’t even let me in. I had never been, what do you call it?

00:44:15:11 – 00:44:17:21
Stefan Rudolph
Like not not able get in like this, show up. And I.

00:44:18:09 – 00:44:19:17
Nathan Crane
Wanted that night for the.

00:44:20:04 – 00:44:21:00
Stefan Rudolph
Night and.

00:44:21:00 – 00:44:22:23
Nathan Crane
I was, you know, good here, sir. I’m sorry.

00:44:23:22 – 00:44:39:09
Stefan Rudolph
But I got 20 bucks. I want to 40 and I get in the car and I blacked out again. But I got on the one on one and I wake up getting on the one on one like at midnight. And I was able to find that, that there was a part in there of coming down the road. And I guess I lost it.

00:44:39:09 – 00:44:54:22
Stefan Rudolph
I did a 180 and I slammed into the center median facing oncoming traffic, and then I’m facing traffic and I’m looking at I’m like, I wake up and I kind of sober up real quick. I go, I got to get home. So I drove home with the back totaled, but I could still drive. I get to their place.

00:44:54:22 – 00:45:10:20
Stefan Rudolph
What do I do? I have another beer and I blacked out again. I get in the same car. Hour later I wake up and I’m driving the car again. I’m going back to the casino. Talk about insanity. I was just like, I got to go to the casino. I got a 2005. I don’t know what I was thinking or I knew I was wasted.

00:45:10:20 – 00:45:27:03
Stefan Rudolph
Okay, beyond repair, I have a flip phone at the time. Remember those flip phones? And I’m going to call somebody for some stupid reason. And I drop it and I look down and I look up and there’s a center median. And I went head on with this intermediate right there. Luckily in the city, probably 30 or 40 miles an hour, I don’t remember.

00:45:27:09 – 00:45:47:16
Stefan Rudolph
But that’s where the book starts off is waking up in Life Beyond Obliterated on the side. Well, I was stuck in the car for a while. I couldn’t get the door opened and I was just praying and just going, What did I do to my life? Going back to the story, I guess it’s like when I shifted and grew, I to awaken, awaken that voice, the spiritual awakening.

00:45:48:12 – 00:46:07:14
Stefan Rudolph
The voice said, You got to stop. It was the same voice, right? That the heart is speaking. You know, this is insanity. You’ve lost your marriage, you lost your homes, you lost your money, you know. And I sobered up and got to where you were saying after that, after that night, it was horrible. I could have been arrested for a stolen vehicle driving without a license, no insurance.

00:46:07:23 – 00:46:25:01
Stefan Rudolph
You know, they figured it out. It was my step dad’s car, and I didn’t get in trouble. I just had a DUI .03. That’s all it was. It was a very minor DUI, but I was on probation from my first DUI. So I did sober up for the next two years off and on a little bit. But enough to be in that pink cloud again.

00:46:25:09 – 00:46:42:22
Stefan Rudolph
What you were saying is just kind of like feeling better, doing better. But that voice is what my book is about. This is 80% of my book is about listening to that voice within speaking softly of change. It’s the voice of your soul. It’s quiet at first. It’s the voice of reason, the voice of sanity, the voice of forgiveness.

00:46:43:04 – 00:47:04:02
Stefan Rudolph
The voice that says, Don’t blame yourself anymore, forgive yourself, turn the effusive thank you’s. And I was so hard on myself because I destroyed I wonderful marriage since high school a relationship 15 year relationship since high school marriage everything. So you want to almost I don’t say I was ever suicidal, like killing myself, but what is this? That’s killing yourself?

00:47:04:14 – 00:47:23:07
Stefan Rudolph
That’s what you were on. That’s what I was on. Without knowing it, I was killing myself. And so connecting back, I just finally sobered up. The pink cloud was there. Insanity came back. You know, I couldn’t fight off the insanity. Just have one beer. You know, after a year and a half of sobriety, I had one beer and then three months later ended up with my third DUI.

00:47:23:07 – 00:47:30:24
Stefan Rudolph
At that time, every time I sobered up, I got better. I felt good. And then, you know, we lose control, right?

00:47:30:24 – 00:48:05:15
Nathan Crane
Yeah, that’s it. I mean, the reality is there are plenty of people who can have a drink once in a while and have no problem. They can drink a glass of wine on the weekend or once every couple of months or have a beer to unwind once a week. You know, I’m not saying every night because every night is definitely a pattern of addiction, but once a month, a couple of drinks a month and have no problem, have no you know, they don’t have that physiological need to have more.

00:48:05:22 – 00:48:29:07
Nathan Crane
And then there are other people who can never have one because one drink is never enough. That’s how I always was. That’s how my dad’s always been. It’s how my grandpa always was. Runs in the family now, can you overcome that? You know, there’s a book about the physiology. I forget what it’s called of of addiction. And literally how some people’s brains are wired differently.

00:48:29:07 – 00:48:48:23
Nathan Crane
That’s why they call it a disease that one drink you cannot stop. It literally turns into two and three and four and five. And this is full blown addicts, right? I you know, could you go from a full blown addict to where you can you know, you can have one drink and then stop and have no problem with that.

00:48:48:23 – 00:49:21:02
Nathan Crane
Go from being fully blown, addicted to somebody who can drink once in a while and have no issues. I don’t know. I really don’t know. But I’m not interested in finding out. I’ll tell you that much either. I’ve had that voice. Come on. The one you’re talking about, that’s like, Oh yeah, now where I’m at in my life, you know, more spiritually evolved, let’s say I’ve done a lot of trauma, healing work, a lot of self discovery, a lot of met, I mean, literally hundreds and hundreds, if not thousands of hours of meditation and deep spiritual work.

00:49:21:03 – 00:49:41:05
Nathan Crane
You know, a lot of emotional therapeutic work, a lot of deep healing work like healing all these childhood adverse events and emotional traumas. Right. And I still have more to work on myself and will for the rest of my life. And no way am I perfect or, you know, spiritually or whatever. I don’t see myself like that at all.

00:49:41:14 – 00:50:03:06
Nathan Crane
But I’ve gotten to a point where I feel like, you know, I don’t even ever think about having a drink, even when I’m out there at a nightclub where everyone’s drinking is so easy, I don’t even it’s not even something that I would ever think about having. So that little voice comes up and goes, Oh, yeah, you can have a drink and you’d be fine, right?

00:50:03:15 – 00:50:25:08
Nathan Crane
Yeah. But the I’d say the higher voice, the, the, the more intelligent voice says, yeah, but why would you, why would you what benefit would you get from that. How would that be better then how you are right now. Which, how you are right now is significantly better than any every time you ever drank once in your life.

00:50:25:16 – 00:50:43:08
Nathan Crane
Right. So that’s my voice is talking. So it’s like, why would you even try? And there’s still the possibility that I’d have one drink and then it go to two and three and four or five. Right. So it’s like once you accept that and go, Hey man, I can never have another drink again. Just not, I can’t, I won’t.

00:50:43:08 – 00:51:06:03
Nathan Crane
There’s no way reason for it whatsoever. For me, my life has been significantly better. It’s not without challenges, but I can handle those challenges much better, right? I can deal with life so much better. Life is more fun. I’m healthier, I’m happier, have more energy. I feel better and better father and a better husband. Right. So why would I ever want to have a drink?

00:51:06:03 – 00:51:22:07
Nathan Crane
And so I’m not you know. I don’t want to take away from people are like, yeah, I can have a beer or a glass of wine once or twice a month and never have a desire to have more. And I’m like, Cool, that’s awesome for you. And that’s great. But there are there are millions of people who cannot do that.

00:51:22:07 – 00:51:24:24
Nathan Crane
They have one drink and it’s all downhill from there.

00:51:25:22 – 00:51:47:02
Stefan Rudolph
And some people don’t understand that when they’re able to do something, they’re looking at themselves going, Wow, I can handle it. Why can’t you? Right. It’s called narcissism sometimes. And it’s kind of like a view of, I’m going to do it this way. And a benefit to was AA and meetings like that. I went to Alcoholics Anonymous. I went to meetings after about three or four years, though, I felt that spiritual awakening and I could not live in the past.

00:51:47:09 – 00:52:02:02
Stefan Rudolph
So it was how I was living, who I was surrounding myself with. It was all drinkers. I thought everyone drank. I remember how you see that a person that didn’t drink or I’d go on a date and in the lady would say, No, I don’t need a drink. What’s wrong with her? You know, you look at people like it’s so weird.

00:52:02:08 – 00:52:20:11
Stefan Rudolph
And then it shifted. Five years later when I was sober and dating for the first time, I had that question come up and say, What’s wrong? What happened? You know, I didn’t mention DUI in the first day, but jail, I would just say, no, I just I’m healthier now, you know, I focus on my health and I could use the excuse to I used to have epilepsy.

00:52:21:01 – 00:52:38:22
Stefan Rudolph
I had brain surgery. That’s a good reason not to drink. You know, I want to stay healthy. So you could just say different things. But to me, my old you tried to pull me back for so long. The meetings helped, but I noticed the meetings. For me personally, I’m not knocking. It was great. But I would say I’m an alcoholic, I’m an alcoholic and I have to live in that state.

00:52:39:00 – 00:52:53:24
Stefan Rudolph
I couldn’t live there anymore. And not to say that, oh, I’m going to go drink, I’m powerful. No, I would never drink. And I would I would be like you said, I go to the bars. I have a double club soda on the rocks, I call it, you know, and I say, I have my drink, it’s club soda or something else.

00:52:54:06 – 00:53:10:14
Stefan Rudolph
And I’m there an hour and all the other friends are pretty drunk by an hour or so. If I take off, I just enjoy being around them, but I do not enjoy losing control. And I didn’t understand that when I was drunk, when I’d hear people say I need to be in control or I need to know what’s going on.

00:53:10:14 – 00:53:27:15
Stefan Rudolph
When I get drunk, I lose control and I lose my memory. And I’m like, Yeah, I mean, with epilepsy in 20 years of medication, you know, there should be not an ounce of alcohol. And I’m drinking kombucha and I know I drank that for years. I didn’t know it had fermented alcohol. 0.05 It didn’t really matter because I drank that much.

00:53:27:15 – 00:53:38:22
Stefan Rudolph
I still drink it to this day, but I guess if I drank three or four or five real quick, I’d have a little buzz. But kombucha is great. You know, I found out supplements, health supplements that I wanted to drink. I would just drink those, you know?

00:53:40:08 – 00:54:01:19
Nathan Crane
Yeah. I just reminded me of, you know, we were talking earlier about, you know, God’s looking out for you, right? Your angels are looking out, especially when you’re reaching out and saying, hey, you know, show me the way, help me. I need out of this. I need to change my life. I need to whatever finances, relationship, alcoholism doesn’t matter.

00:54:01:19 – 00:54:24:20
Nathan Crane
But asking for help. So going back to when I moved to San Diego, right, so 18 years old story. We’re in Oceanside, blah, blah, blah. I get hired for a job that was a sales job, the the cell phone sales job and somehow, miraculously, I got hired. That’s a whole crazy story how all that happened. My like I’m going down for the second interview.

00:54:25:00 – 00:54:42:00
Nathan Crane
I had never tied a tie in my life. I had to learn how to tie a tie in my car mirror before my interview with my dad on the phone. Literally, I got I borrowed some money from my friend’s uncle so I could get, you know, one nice set of clothes because you had to wear like a tie and suit and all kind of stuff.

00:54:42:00 – 00:55:07:03
Nathan Crane
And I picked everything white, white pants, white shirt, white tie. There I am not even knowing how to tie a tie, white boy. Yeah, right. And that was my one set of clothing I had until I got my first paycheck. So I wore that every single day. These guys were my manager and the top salesperson, like the assistant manager there, sitting there making bets right in front of me saying, I bet he lasts a week.

00:55:07:03 – 00:55:24:24
Nathan Crane
I’ll bet $100 you last a week. And he’s like, Now I’ll bet you 200, he’ll outfit bet you 200 he last two weeks and I’m sitting right there. I’m like, what am I? I’ll show you guys. And then six months later on, both those guys is Boss, which was pretty cool, but so somehow I pass the second interview, right?

00:55:24:24 – 00:55:43:14
Nathan Crane
And so I get the job and it’s commission only I got to wait, you know, I got to make sales, actually make money. I got to wait. I don’t know. It was for whatever reason, like three weeks or four weeks before I actually got my first paycheck. So, boom, you know, we’re staying and we got we got a bed in a garage.

00:55:44:10 – 00:56:02:22
Nathan Crane
We’re off the street. I got a job. You know, I’m sober for four months for the first time in my life. You know, we’re changing our lives. We’re doing good, you know, making sells. I get my first paycheck, so my friend and I go out, celebrate, right? We have one beer. I’m like, Let’s just have a beer. Let’s have a beer.

00:56:02:22 – 00:56:21:08
Nathan Crane
We’ll watch a movie. I had a little DVD player that I put in the car in the parking lot. We literally had a beer, watched. Oh, what was that movie? The Hercules was the the Hercules movie. What was that called with.

00:56:23:06 – 00:56:24:05
Stefan Rudolph
The 300 movie?

00:56:24:20 – 00:56:41:22
Nathan Crane
Maybe it was actually called Hercules, but I think it might have been Hercules. Anyway, we watched the movie, had a beer, waited for like a half hour, and then drove back to the garage where we were sleeping. And on a futon, my buddy and I had to share a futon in this Mexican family’s garage. They didn’t speak English.

00:56:41:22 – 00:57:13:18
Nathan Crane
We didn’t speak Spanish. They let us live in there for like a month next to the washer and dryer. It was pretty epic, actually. Yeah. And we’re driving back and I saw I was still smoking cigarets that time I throw a cigaret out the window, a cop on a bike saw me pull me over right there and I’m like, Oh shit, right here we are in San Diego, you know, just getting started, you know, just had a beer, breathalyzer, DUI, impound my car, and we didn’t have the money to get it out of impound.

00:57:13:18 – 00:57:33:06
Nathan Crane
So now I’ve got no car DUI. Where we’re staying is like so many miles away from my job, so I had to take the bus. I had to get up super early, get on the bus. The bus took forever to get there like an hour, hour and a half to get all the way to where I needed to go.

00:57:33:19 – 00:57:53:09
Nathan Crane
And because I think I had to take multiple routes or something because we were like really far away from the mall in Oceanside. And then I get there and then the bus wouldn’t leave at night. Like I get off work too late and I couldn’t. That bus didn’t run, so sometimes I’d have to sleep in the store. They didn’t know.

00:57:53:09 – 00:58:12:05
Nathan Crane
Take a shower in, take, you know, wash my hair and face and stuff in the sink in the bathroom. And then I’d be there when the guys showed up in the morning, like, Why are you here so early? I’m like, Oh, I just got early. You know, the bus is here. I didn’t tell them. I was like taking showers of stuff and sleeping in the back and because like the bus can run.

00:58:12:14 – 00:58:45:16
Nathan Crane
But even though that happened, right, you would think, okay, wallet, stolen, car broken into, no driver’s license, no Social Security card. I needed all that for my first day of training for the job. Then, you know, somehow I just what I call solution oriented mindset, I was just like, I got to figure this out called the DMV, went there, got a paper, temporary ID like the morning of, drove down, got the interview somehow miraculously got the job, you know, then one drink right?

00:58:45:16 – 00:59:03:09
Nathan Crane
Because here I am committed to being sober change in my life. Been there a month. One drink, boom. Car, cars gone. Now you’re taking the bus. Now you’re. You know, it’s like I call it the hammer of life. When you commit to doing something good or doing something right and you go back on that commitment, it’s like that hammer, life goes, boom, sucker.

00:59:03:16 – 00:59:29:13
Nathan Crane
You get, you want to mess around. God comes in and goes, boom, you’re doing this. But no, we’re going to show you what happens when you go back on your word. You know, so and that’s what I tell people. It’s like when you and so that was one thing you know thankful 1000 2000 like your book it’s like that was one thing I actually look back and was very thankful for and said, look, I needed this, I needed this to kick me in the ass, to get me serious, to show me, look, one drink, construe everything up.

00:59:29:19 – 00:59:52:20
Nathan Crane
Now I’ve got to work harder, wake up earlier, take busses, sleep, you know, in the freaking store, shower in the bathroom, you know, that kind of thing. So I was just like, All right, no drinking. So then I didn’t drink for six or seven months at that point at all. So it was a good chunk of time. But, you know, before I started drinking again and then bad shit started happening again, the hammer of life hits, right?

00:59:53:01 – 01:00:12:14
Nathan Crane
God says, look, you said you’re sober. You said you’re doing good. You said you’re helping others and you’re screwing yourself over again. Bone, hammer of life. Right? And then when you get on the right path, it’s like doors open, doors miraculously open, you get opportunities, you get callings, you get relationships, you get things that just start showing up in it.

01:00:12:15 – 01:00:30:03
Nathan Crane
But the key is you have to say, yes, right? You have to go. You know what? That opportunity sounds right for me. I’m going to go check it out. No matter how scary difficult it is, I don’t have experience in real estate. I don’t have a license. I don’t know anything about it. I’m going to go work for this real estate agent because that feels right.

01:00:30:08 – 01:00:35:04
Nathan Crane
You have to say yes. That’s in front of you, right? Yeah. Is that.

01:00:35:10 – 01:00:52:11
Stefan Rudolph
Your gut? Your gut instinct and your spirit? It says, let’s do this. Let’s, let’s move forward. Let’s. And it feels good. And then you’re the ego versus spirit is what I talk about. And the ego says, No, no, I need to do this. I need to make money, I need to show up bling, bling and whatever else. And that’s all it focuses on.

01:00:52:11 – 01:01:10:00
Stefan Rudolph
And the spirit says, No, this is what you should be doing. So it goes back and forth, forth and back, right? It’s like a and to me it was sobriety was good. It was great. And then I would just drink for some reason every time. Going back to your original question, how many times I lost count, I went to rehab to try to save my marriage.

01:01:10:00 – 01:01:29:21
Stefan Rudolph
28 day rehab. I stopped for a year marriage, wasn’t safe, so I started drinking, you know, sober up for a brain surgery, you know, after a year and a half, start drinking again because I thought, well, I’m normal and neither do you ever, you know, sober up for six months. I go to an AA meeting one time and I had a six month token and I couldn’t believe all these guys in Kearny Mesa here.

01:01:29:22 – 01:01:46:09
Stefan Rudolph
They looked at me like, wow, six months. Wow. That was like amazing sobriety for six months. I looked at them like I thought this was nothing. And then every time I got out better, I got worse because it was that poor that you said. That drawback to say this is I can handle it now or, you know, whatever we thought.

01:01:46:17 – 01:02:12:12
Stefan Rudolph
And your story, too, cutting back going forward or cutting back this quote that I said earlier is what I came up with on cell phone holders. Now it says, turn the F used to thank you’s and I had an artist draw that for me and being able to turn it around in life and focus on life. And in this book, I swear I didn’t plan this, but people can just pick up this book and read it anywhere and I’ll just randomly open up a page and it says Here I found appreciation.

01:02:12:12 – 01:02:35:21
Stefan Rudolph
Through acceptance here I had to accept who I’d become in life in order to end who I was in life, all in order to grow into who I wanted to be in life. By taking this step, I then found that for me and all of us, blame is a thoughtless compilation of excuses fueled by an ego, an attitude of which points fingers at others for where you ended up in life and how you feel.

01:02:35:21 – 01:02:55:13
Stefan Rudolph
It’s everyone else’s fault in life, right? So that random quotes like that it’s part of the story, but it’s part of a hopefully an inspiration for others to see, like you and I have overcome this, or maybe the 1% of 1%. They say that I feel it’s a spiritual awakening. The 12th step in jail for me, the 12 step happened.

01:02:55:19 – 01:03:12:01
Stefan Rudolph
You know, I did 11 steps all the time. But the spiritual awakening in AA was I had a spiritual awakening, the 12th step. I’m like, What’s that? You know, I go pray to the porcelain God for years ago and I’m like, I don’t feel like a spiritual awakening, but so much insanity in both of our lives. And then seeing friends die, too, right?

01:03:12:17 – 01:03:28:08
Stefan Rudolph
Friends that used to be with friends that I used to party with. I continue to drink. I saw two men close to me, drinking buddies. They see me because they were older in their sixties that died horrifically of what’s it called? You’re kidney. Your turn. Yellow jaundice. Yeah. You know, and I was just.

01:03:28:08 – 01:03:46:20
Nathan Crane
Basically renal and renal failure, you know, organs just start shutting down. It’s happened to my grandpa, my dad’s side. I mean, he drank himself to death, literally, you know, fried fried chicken, alcohol, cigarets every day of his life, late seventies. And it’s like just the last problem with that is you go, Yeah, yeah, I enjoy it. I enjoy it.

01:03:46:20 – 01:04:06:17
Nathan Crane
So what’s wrong with that? Yeah, but the suffering that you go through in the last months or even the last years of your life, when you see somebody go through that much suffering, it’s like, let’s say you had 60 years or 70 years of fun. That’s called fun. Even though we know alcohol, there’s a lot of shit that’s not fun, right?

01:04:06:18 – 01:04:28:17
Nathan Crane
Alcohol and drugs, a lot of shit. That is not fun. But some of it’s fun. There’s a lot that goes on, right? Yeah. I mean, waking up, you know, throwing up until three in the morning is not fun, right? Getting, you know, almost killed somebody and getting in car wrecks and all of that is not fun anyway. Even let’s say you had fun your whole life, drinking and partying and stuff.

01:04:29:01 – 01:04:48:01
Nathan Crane
Those last two years or even two months feel like decades. If you ask somebody’s going to damage pain and suffering that much mental, emotional and physical pain and suffering, it’s not worth 60 or 70 years of fun. It’s just not. We suffered that much. It’s so awful, you know? And it’s and it’s heartbreaking.

01:04:49:09 – 01:05:07:08
Stefan Rudolph
Yeah. And you and I being here and connecting re back again. And by the way, my goal in racquetball and to connect with you again, I’m going to play in every state I can play. So I played in Texas now and Colorado with you. And I’m going to start traveling. I want to go back to Florida again when I start living life, not again.

01:05:07:08 – 01:05:23:21
Stefan Rudolph
I’ve never been to Florida, but start getting out there to racquetball tournaments and also traveling at the same time and going out to live, life to explore and to say, you know, I could have been doing this in my twenties or thirties, but I lived a good life. I’m thankful for the life I had. I’m thankful the life I have.

01:05:24:00 – 01:05:27:15
Stefan Rudolph
And I’m creating the new life that I’m going to live every day, day in and day out.

01:05:28:02 – 01:05:49:19
Nathan Crane
So you’re like you’re like only you’re only like halfway there, man. You’re like, first half of your life. You’re just entering the second half of life. Now you I’m still in the first I’m still in the first half of life. I’m not even into the second half yet. I’m excited for what’s to come, because you know what I’ve done, what I’ve accomplished in the last 17 years of my life is it feels like 100.

01:05:49:23 – 01:06:23:22
Nathan Crane
Like I’ve lived 100 years, right? Like I’ve lived three or four different lifetimes at least. And I’m so excited for the next 20 years and the next 20 years after that. It’s like what you can do in five years or ten years in your life when you’re focused on something good, when you’re focused on personal development, when you’re focused on improving your mental health, when you’re focused on, you know, going to the gym, working out, taking care of your physical health, cleansing, detoxing, improving your diet, you know, focusing on your spiritual health, you know, whether it’s raising a family or just building a strong community, finding something that gives you passion and purpose in your

01:06:23:22 – 01:06:48:17
Nathan Crane
life, being of service to others what you can achieve and experience and learn and grow in in like a ten year period is mind blowing, right? What I’ve done in the last ten years is so mind blowing for me. I look back at all that photos and videos and stuff that we have logged on my computer. I’m like, That’s like three lifetimes in ten years, literally.

01:06:48:17 – 01:07:02:06
Nathan Crane
Like, I’m so excited for the next ten years, the next ten, the next ten. But I was never like that when I was drinkin. It was never like that when I was party and I was never thinking like, Oh, I’m excited for ten years that you kidding me? Like, I was barely looking at the next day, you know what I mean?

01:07:02:17 – 01:07:21:16
Stefan Rudolph
Drink, buy, drink day by day. And in the book, it’s called The Seven Year Shift. And I feel like you said 18. Here’s the irony of this. At 18, 25, 32, 39, 46, 53, these time points in my life, I realize every 5 to 7 years doesn’t need to be exact, but you’re a spot on story. At 18, something happened, you shifted.

01:07:21:21 – 01:07:39:09
Stefan Rudolph
Maybe at 24 or 25, something shifted. 32. You’re just like, I got to change man night or whatever the time period. But it’s like another lifetime happens and if you don’t change, you’re still in that bubble of your old life. Yeah. And then you go through lifetimes as a drunk and homeless, or you change and you go, Wow, look at me.

01:07:39:09 – 01:07:44:00
Stefan Rudolph
You know, two lifetimes ago, three lifetimes ago. You’re like, amazed. Not even, you.

01:07:44:11 – 01:08:07:14
Nathan Crane
Know, that’s why I see people in their sixties that are giving up. And I’m like, Dude, you could have ten, 15, 20, 30 years, maybe of like more life. What you can achieve and experience and enjoy in ten or 15 or 20 or 30 years is remarkable. If your focus is on doing good things right. If you’re for me, meditation.

01:08:07:14 – 01:08:48:11
Nathan Crane
Meditation has been instrumental in any kind of meditative practice, all kinds of ancient healing and meditative practices has been instrumental in helping me improve and transform my life and let’s say, spiritually awakened. Right. Meditation has been essential, being open to different kinds of meditations and different kinds of spiritual practices. Chanting with the Hari Krishna’s in San Diego is incredible meditation, you know, meditating with Zen Buddhist master monks, doing sweat lodges and intimate scales and dancing with Native Americans, you know, sun dancing in Mexico and in San Diego and in Albuquerque, New Mexico.

01:08:48:11 – 01:09:17:10
Nathan Crane
And all over the place, these these native indigenous, beautiful spiritual practices that are incredibly, you know, awakening, spiritually awakening, just doing qigong every morning, qigong and and prayer. You know, prayer is so powerful. But when I look at prayer, it’s not like, God, please give me this as a lot of people do it. Yeah, I actually look at prayer as as being grateful for what I already have and for what God is providing.

01:09:17:10 – 01:09:46:23
Nathan Crane
Right? Like if you step into that gratitude in, I think it is significantly more powerful than like just please give me this. Personally, I really believe that and I’ve seen it. But where you make deep transformation in your addictions, in your emotional health, in healing childhood traumas, healing adverse events, which we know this essential for helping the body to fight off chronic diseases and to live life more fully healthier.

01:09:46:23 – 01:10:14:14
Nathan Crane
Happier meditation has been essential for that because you get quiet and then you can get in and start asking these questions and start resolving these traumas. But also, somatic therapy is amazing. EMDR is amazing. You know, so many therapeutic tools that that I’ve, you know, learned and practices and implemented over the years that have instrumental for my life to help me be better.

01:10:14:18 – 01:10:34:02
Nathan Crane
Right. And to help overcome the angers and the resentments and the fears and the guilts and all of that stuff that comes with all the baggage of life. And if you’re still holding on to all that baggage, you’re just going to keep dragging around with you everywhere you go, attracting the same shit into your life until you go through that baggage, drop it off.

01:10:34:11 – 01:10:35:19
Nathan Crane
You won’t be able to grow to the.

01:10:37:20 – 01:10:57:15
Stefan Rudolph
In our society to it. Ironically, in my years I was a pharmaceutical rep two and 22. I was selling the drugs, I was promoting the the lifestyle that my yeah. Remember. And so everything that I sold I ended up on later like in, in a weird way, not the exact medication but you know, depression, anti depressants, acid reflux medication, blood thinners.

01:10:57:15 – 01:11:21:18
Stefan Rudolph
I had problems with it. And what we are here now in health and nutrition, I solve them all by changing my lifestyle, by getting rid of alcohol, of course, but by eating healthy, by, you know, the acid reflux was caused by what I was eating, the blood issues. And, you know, blood thinners I needed were caused by my lifestyle drinking, you know, and even in lockdown, I went from working out 20, 25 hours a week to like one hour a week.

01:11:22:00 – 01:11:34:22
Stefan Rudolph
And I gained all this weight. And then when they started to up again, I went to the doctor and he said, oh, we got to get you on some blood thinners because you got to have blood pressure. And I said, I’m going to come back in three months. We’re going to check in again. And I got back in the gym and it went and went back down.

01:11:34:22 – 01:11:48:19
Stefan Rudolph
I go, I don’t need to be on that medication. Mean it’s nothing about the meds. You know, you’re a big part of this, but we need them when we need them, we don’t need to live on them. So what I sold and the money I made, I learned later this is not the lifestyle I need to leave lead.

01:11:48:19 – 01:12:13:17
Stefan Rudolph
It’s. It’s something about changing my my parameters and my understanding. When epilepsy came back in 2000, nine, ten, 11, I started before sobriety. Wayne Dyer introduced me to meditation. I saw him three times before he passed. LEWIS Hey, John asked Ralph. All these people were like, Meditate, meditate. Okay. So you, you know, you started doing it. And all my seizure epilepsy problems went away in 2011 and 12.

01:12:13:17 – 01:12:32:09
Stefan Rudolph
I was able to control them. And then I sobered up and within about three or four years, holistically, the epilepsy is gone. Last seizure I had was 2011 and there was no medication, meditation over medication. I’m going to get that shirt again, but I got it at a farmer’s market one time. It said Meditation over medication. I love that shirt and I’m an acronym guy.

01:12:32:09 – 01:12:35:17
Stefan Rudolph
So I said, Mom.

01:12:35:17 – 01:12:38:22
Nathan Crane
Oh, hey, I just lost your audio for some reason.

01:12:39:24 – 01:13:06:23
Stefan Rudolph
Oh, sorry. I got a call coming in. That’s probably the universe saying it’s time to go. Oh, almost. Sorry, but yeah. Anyways, overcoming obstacles in life. That’s why we’re here. And I really appreciate the opportunity to reconnect with you, Nathan, and calling you Nate still to this day I’m Steph on now so became the new from stepping to Stephane people started calling me Stephan so you know we’re here to grow and you know I really appreciate this opportunity coming on board.

01:13:07:05 – 01:13:33:06
Nathan Crane
So you have not had a seizure since 2011, right? So are there biomarkers that are tested or scans or anything that test specifically for epilepsy to know, like a diagnosis of is epilepsy diagnosed based on symptoms or is there actually biomarkers and different tests and things that doctors can do to say, you know, you have epilepsy?

01:13:33:06 – 01:13:51:03
Stefan Rudolph
Well, that’s very ironic. And to the people listening and watching need to know about this. But you’re asking the ideal question of what happened to me two years ago, now in lockdown and I work in assisted living. Right. I have to be around seniors and communities and we needed to get the vaccine. And I’m not a vaccine fan.

01:13:51:03 – 01:14:07:24
Stefan Rudolph
So I just said, you know, I’ve already had epileptic seizures. I don’t want to get it. I choose not to. And the even the different people that I work with didn’t want to get it. So we had to get an exemption right. And I went to different doctors, different places. These these doctors in 2021 were like, Oh, we can’t do that.

01:14:07:24 – 01:14:26:20
Stefan Rudolph
We can’t do that. And I said, Well, what am I supposed to do? You know, they said, Well, go to a specialist. And I had to go to a specialist. I thought, Neurology, okay, I’ll go to a neurologist and just tell him or her that I don’t have epilepsy anymore. I’m seizure free and I sat down with this neurologist in power who I’d give you my book to, by the way, coming up here.

01:14:27:06 – 01:14:44:19
Stefan Rudolph
And he heard my whole story. He’s a young guy. He’s probably in his early forties. Nice guy. But he just was, like, typing away the whole time. I’m like, Yeah, I holistically cured it. I changed my diet, stopped drinking, I got better control lead a little. So he’s just like, Well, that’s interesting. I said, Oh, so I don’t want to get the vaccine, you know, can I have an exemption?

01:14:44:19 – 01:15:01:02
Stefan Rudolph
And he goes, Well, let’s do an EEG on you. I’m concerned about it may come back. And I said, What does it have to do with the exemption? What does that have to do with the vaccine? And he said, Well, we should just get that done anyways, you know, okay. So I kind of meditated on it, prayed, and I said, I think I’ll do that.

01:15:01:02 – 01:15:17:18
Stefan Rudolph
You know, I just felt like it was a calling to do. He’s scheduled for January 13th of last year of 2022. Ironically, it was meant to be because that was my birthday. And I said, Well, this is meant to be here. So I go here and ask Candido and I take the egg and I meditate the whole time and they got all these probes hooked up on your head.

01:15:18:01 – 01:15:34:08
Stefan Rudolph
You know how that is. You probably seen it and I meditated. So two weeks later, he calls me back and he says, You have a dormant tissue. That is going to be the name of a chapter coming up I’m calling dormant tissue. And like you said, you have a dormant tissue. You had brain surgery and it could come back.

01:15:34:08 – 01:15:53:16
Stefan Rudolph
You should be on medication. I said, no, I don’t want to be. This is over the phone, by the way. And I said, I’m not going to be on medication, just want an exemption so I don’t have to get the vaccine. He goes, No, I have to contact the DMV. They suspended my license, dude, or. Yeah, he suspended my driver’s license for for epileptic, you know, possible epileptic seizures.

01:15:54:07 – 01:16:09:24
Stefan Rudolph
So going back, it could be a whole nother call here. We could have. But realistically carrying it, but still seeing it in the EU as a dormant tissue, I don’t know what that probably is, but then I asked another doctor immediately I had to go to a private practice, this doctor, a friend of mine, and he said, That’s a bunch of BS.

01:16:09:24 – 01:16:26:09
Stefan Rudolph
He should referred you to someone else to get another test or do something. He shouldn’t just contact the DMV. And I immediately got a DMV court hearing. It was over the phones at that time. The guy was the same way. The court guy was like, Why didn’t you suspend your license? Okay. And they put it back in the system.

01:16:26:17 – 01:16:49:11
Stefan Rudolph
I was fine. And that doctor said the dormant tissue could cause a problem. But he goes, If you went in there without epilepsy, he wouldn’t have anything because those scans are coming back like, you know, like this. But it’s called CIA. Cover your ass. That’s when I found out this doctor part. He just said, Oh, in case he has a seizure, I have to tell him to get on medication because he found something.

01:16:49:11 – 01:17:03:02
Stefan Rudolph
I can’t say it was right or wrong, but I think it was meant to be because I drove again, ironically, for a month on a suspended license last year because I was trying to get to work. I was I was waking up with that same fear, that same anxiety going, oh, no, no interest.

01:17:04:12 – 01:17:26:19
Nathan Crane
This time you’re sober, right? And when you’re sober over doing the right things, like, you know, it’s like you also get a little I feel in my own life I’ve seen it. It’s like you get a little extra protection. You know, you’re not trying to break the law. You’re not trying to do something bad. You’re not like you’re going to work, you’re staying sober, you’re staying healthy, you’re it’s like you get a little extra protection for those things is what I found out.

01:17:27:12 – 01:17:41:24
Stefan Rudolph
Yeah. When I was driving, when it used to be in the d y days, I had my little in my passenger seat, I had an AA book, I had my court car in case I got pulled over. I was to be an officer. Look at you know, I’m going to meetings. I this one I had no I had all this medical leave.

01:17:42:16 – 01:17:56:23
Stefan Rudolph
Oh, yeah, I’m going. I was drunk. I was like, you know, but this time I had my medical paperwork next to me and. I was going to the DMV process of getting it reinstated. And it took six months in a long run. It was like, I got it back for a little while and then I lost it and then I got it back again.

01:17:56:23 – 01:18:12:01
Stefan Rudolph
In the long run. And it was horrible. It was the stress that reminded me, though. Be thankful for this. You’re going to talk about this on interviews. You’re going to let the people know that the system is not all correct. You know, I want people to get medical help when they need it, but for me, it was no longer needed.

01:18:12:01 – 01:18:30:13
Stefan Rudolph
And the system does not like to hear that as what exactly what you talk about, too. But I’m saying like nutrition, health and wellness, sometimes they want you to take these prescriptions and I want to prescribe my own way, you know, and if it doesn’t work, I’m here to take what I need to. But right now, I’m cured.

01:18:30:22 – 01:18:35:07
Stefan Rudolph
You know, 20, 12 years of epilepsy free and everything.

01:18:35:16 – 01:19:07:24
Nathan Crane
Well, that’s huge I mean, that’s that alone is massive, right? You go 12 years without a single seizure. It’s yeah, it’s like, look, you’re obviously doing the right stuff. You’re obviously, you know, taking care of yourself. You’re making sure that you’re not having seizures, you’re not having symptoms. And you feel amazing. You Look amazing. So it’s that’s crazy that they would send that to the DMV and and have your license removed even told them like, hey, I’ve had I haven’t at that point.

01:19:08:02 – 01:19:13:15
Nathan Crane
Maybe you haven’t had seizures in ten years, ten, 11 years, and then they suspend your license.

01:19:14:01 – 01:19:31:11
Stefan Rudolph
Like I would say here as an urologist, it’s nothing against him. But he is very young and couldn’t believe this and I couldn’t perceive it. And you just had to do what he had to do. But to do that to somebody is not right. I think it was just really he wasn’t mean, but he was just very like, that’s not right.

01:19:31:11 – 01:19:59:09
Stefan Rudolph
You have to do it this way. We got to get you back on medication. It was the push and pull method. And I was not going to be pulled back into oh, in order to get my license, I have to get on Tegretol Topamax Depakote. Ironically name and all these. And when I work in an assisted living with Alzheimer’s and dementia all the same medications I took over the year tegretol topamax depakote keppra, they’re all used for Alzheimer’s and dementia and I’ve seen these prescriptions go on.

01:19:59:10 – 01:20:16:04
Stefan Rudolph
Lamictal I used to be on that. I used to be on that I used. And so somehow it’s connected help people and the way you’re helping people. That’s why I wanted to reunite with you and I see all your work you do and the health and wellness and working against cancer, working against, I’d say, Alzheimer’s to make sure things that were eating and drinking.

01:20:16:13 – 01:20:32:15
Stefan Rudolph
You know, that doctor to me was a fuel for me to say a few to thank you. I need to get off my butt and, start doing more. I finished my book then, you know, I published it and got it on Audible now. And I’m just like, I need to grow, go now and grow now. I call it.

01:20:32:22 – 01:20:52:06
Nathan Crane
That’s a mindset shift, right? Of something challenging, something shitty, something bad has happened and I like that the f you think you like you could be like, oh, it’s their fault, it’s their problem. I That person screwed up my life. They ruined it. Now it’s done my license, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. All you can say, right?

01:20:52:11 – 01:21:16:01
Nathan Crane
What’s, what’s the lesson in, what’s the gift in this. What do I need to learn from this? How can this help me grow? How can this help me improve? And it’s literally shifting that mindset and asking those questions that changes everything, right? It changes everything. It changes your trajectory. It changes your your thinking about finding different solutions. It changes the actions that you take.

01:21:16:01 – 01:21:37:20
Nathan Crane
It changes everything for the better to stop blaming and stop judging or just accept it, right? Except what happened. Okay, that happened. I can’t change it now. What can I do about it? What can I improve? What can I change in myself? What do I need to learn from this? And that’s true for any diagnosis is true for any disease, is true for any challenge in life, financial or otherwise.

01:21:37:20 – 01:21:52:02
Nathan Crane
You go, all right, this sucks shitty. I don’t like it, but I accept it and now I’m going to change it. I don’t want it anymore. You also have to go. I don’t want this anymore. I want something bad. What do I want? Oh, this is what I want. Okay. How do I get that? How do I achieve that?

01:21:52:02 – 01:22:26:21
Nathan Crane
How do make that happen? Start asking questions, start doing research, get a mentor, read some books, write, get some advice and guidance, and then you can make that happen, whether it’s financial freedom, it’s health, overcoming a disease, it’s, you know, in your case, basically healing epilepsy. The thing why he probably said, well, number one, didn’t believe you and number two referred that to the DMV and stuff is because in Western medical literature, just like Parkinson’s, they say there’s no cure for epilepsy just like this, there’s no cure for Parkinson’s.

01:22:26:21 – 01:22:53:04
Nathan Crane
And so if you come in and say, I cured my epilepsy, they’re going to think you’re a they can. A nut job here. Nut job? Yeah. Because I did a documentary. It’s free, it’s on YouTube. It’s a mini documentary. I encourage people to go watch it. It’s about Bianca. Molly, Molly. It’s a really inspiring document and really inspiring.

01:22:53:04 – 01:23:31:23
Nathan Crane
And she was diagnosed with Parkinson’s and she had two tremors real bad and she discovered an ancient healing modality. And this ancient healing modality comes from the ancient east, and it focused is on mental, emotional, spiritual healing. It focuses on energy healing, it incorporates sound healing, meditation, visualization subtle movement. And basically what I think it’s doing is it’s rewiring the brain and the entire nervous system by practicing and.

01:23:31:23 – 01:24:02:10
Nathan Crane
She discovered it and started feeling amazing very quickly, and so she got really committed and started practicing up to 3 hours a day. And literally within a few months her tremors were gone. And shortly after she went in to see her doctor and there were no more signs of Parkinson’s. And she got off all her medication. And that’s been years now, years Parkinson’s, free symptoms, free symptom free.

01:24:02:10 – 01:24:25:17
Nathan Crane
And all she did and I say all she did because it’s a lot is she started practicing qigong and a specific form called wisdom healing qigong from this incredible teacher who’s become a good friend of mine out of Santa Fe, New Mexico. His name is Ming Tong Gu, and the practice is called Wisdom, Healing, Qigong. And she committed to it, man.

01:24:25:17 – 01:24:46:20
Nathan Crane
She committed multiple hours a day doing it at home and boom so fast, Parkinson’s gone. And they say there’s no cure that can happen. It’s a mistake, whatever. Because here’s this woman who did it, who experienced it, who reverse it, and she’s still living without it years later, you know. So it’s the.

01:24:47:10 – 01:24:47:13
Stefan Rudolph
Way.

01:24:47:21 – 01:24:50:18
Nathan Crane
Possible with the brain and with the body.

01:24:50:18 – 01:25:15:16
Stefan Rudolph
Wim Hof You know, I like to watch his videos, The Iceman, and he’s just doing everything holistically. He’s caring himself, he’s doing when people can do that, like we all can. I think in one way or another. But there’s always people that say, you know, look at what happened. And, you know, they always look for the failure because if you go back but we have to be strong and keep believing in ourselves and what we do and, you know, believe in order to receive right?

01:25:15:16 – 01:25:32:18
Nathan Crane
Yeah. Believing is hard though. I mean. Right. We talking about having faith. I think it starts with hope. I think you’ve got to have a sense of hope first. But you can’t stay stuck in hope because hope will only take you so far. Hope will give you a little bit of glimmer of light beyond the darkness. And we need that hope.

01:25:32:18 – 01:25:48:09
Nathan Crane
There’s no such thing as false hope. Anybody says, Oh, don’t give the stage for cancer patient false hope, bullshit. That’s exactly what they need. They need real hope. There’s no such thing as false hope. Yeah. You got to have hope that something better is possible. If you’re an addict, you got to have hope that you can overcome that addiction.

01:25:48:17 – 01:26:14:19
Nathan Crane
You know, if you’re dealing with drugs or alcohol or you’re very sick or have epilepsy or Parkinson’s or cancer, you have to have a sense of hope that something better is possible. But then number two, you got to educate yourself, right? This is what I’ve found is you have to learn from the people who’ve already done what you’re trying to achieve, whether it’s financial success, it’s health, it’s overcoming a disease, whatever it is, you know, as being a professional athlete, it doesn’t matter.

01:26:14:19 – 01:26:41:13
Nathan Crane
But first the hope. Then you start to look into the strategy, the the solutions. Okay. How did they get there? How did they do that? What did they do? What steps did they take? What commitment’s, what dedication, what strategies? And then you got to have, you know, the discipline and the dedication and the commitment to actually get yourself to do those things and stick to it every single day.

01:26:41:23 – 01:27:08:22
Nathan Crane
But even beyond that, I find for me is like whatever your goal is, like if that goal is so strong and it’s so big, you know, and it’s so big that, it can pull you forward and it has deep meaning to you. The deeper your the bigger your goal and the more meaning you can apply to it, the easier it is to to the hard discipline and commitment it takes to achieve whatever it is you’re trying to achieve.

01:27:09:07 – 01:27:33:20
Nathan Crane
Right. Because, you know, getting sober and staying sober is not easy. Right. Healing epilepsy is not easy. Healing cancer is not easy. You know, overcoming financial failure is not easy. But, you know, taking care of your health in this modern world is not easy. But also being sick and addicted to drugs and alcohol and smoking and that that’s not easy either.

01:27:33:20 – 01:27:49:09
Nathan Crane
You know, that’s actually really, really hard, really challenging to do. So pick your hard and then stick to it, but have a profound and deep meaning and reminder of that goal every day that can help pull you through those challenging times.

01:27:51:03 – 01:28:07:08
Stefan Rudolph
I had to turn the craft in life into the fertilizer of life. I found out like crack can be fertilizer and help you grow the new plants, and I would always do these acronyms into them. When I sobered up there, more acronyms came to my mind conceive, receive, achieve, perceived crap. So the crap in my life I had to conceive a new way out.

01:28:07:08 – 01:28:14:16
Stefan Rudolph
I had to receive things positive and negative. I had to in order to achieve them all by perceiving them. So the crap became better in my life.

01:28:15:08 – 01:28:17:07
Nathan Crane
I like that. Yeah. Turn.

01:28:17:16 – 01:28:41:09
Stefan Rudolph
Yeah. The analogy. I just have to look at things a little bit differently. Yeah, exactly. And water it daily with positive attitude and growth. It’s all in the book so I can’t thank you 1000 dot com working on the website now it’s coming together and it’s on YouTube so I appreciate the I got some people texting me now I do assisted living so I’m working with dementia and Alzheimer’s and helping people with their memory.

01:28:41:09 – 01:29:03:03
Stefan Rudolph
I actually want to invest in soon started traumatic brain injury one where because there’s a high level of need for elderly care and TBI traumatic brain injury and I had it all I had the experience of having seizures. The one thing I have in my life, I had to show this and it was I had a part of my life that came to an end in 2019 when I was burglarized.

01:29:03:05 – 01:29:22:10
Stefan Rudolph
And they broke into my house in Valley Center here, and they stole 95% of everything I had. But the one thing for some reason I kept this in my life was my old school football helmet. It was still in the garage. I don’t want to steal this. And that’s where I had a football injury in 88. And now I go around to from Orange Glen here in Escondido.

01:29:22:17 – 01:29:41:22
Stefan Rudolph
And I, I speak to the kids about this, about my traumatic brain injury, about things that happened to me with seizures and epilepsy, and then my life after lockdown. I call it the life after lockdown because I had a 14 year lockdown from alcohol, from epilepsy, from seizures, from brain surgery. Don’t ever give up in that area. And I had one simple reminder.

01:29:41:22 – 01:30:03:00
Stefan Rudolph
I didn’t need all the financial stuff that that burglar stole. You know, I just was like, okay, that was my past. It’s gone. I had to accept it. I was angry, of course, but I got over it. And then to be able to use, conceive, receive, achieve, perceive a better way of viewing things. So when something is taken from you, be thankful something’s given to you.

01:30:03:00 – 01:30:08:21
Stefan Rudolph
Of course, be thankful and just grow from there one day at a time.

01:30:08:21 – 01:30:16:10
Nathan Crane
Awesome, dude. Yeah, it’s great catching up. Yeah, and thank you. 1000 dcoms that where people can get the book.

01:30:16:10 – 01:30:47:12
Stefan Rudolph
You said thank you 1000 dot com that’s where all the information will go and being able to be thankful, be thankful in life and just understand that this book is Blake Hodges and where I used to meditate and just kind of found my grounding and healing and understanding that we have to be able to overcome obstacles mentally and emotionally, not just physically by sobering up, but being able to achieve success in life by saying that I’m done, being done you’ve heard that before.

01:30:47:12 – 01:31:07:20
Stefan Rudolph
We’ve all heard that. And being able to work subconsciously. A lot of the book is talk, you know, many pages of this. I even cut this down to an abridged version. I had so many pages. I was writing and writing and writing. But I want people to see that there is a way out. There is hope in life and everything from losing money, losing your life.

01:31:08:23 – 01:31:30:24
Stefan Rudolph
We have to be able to meditate. Notes. Sometimes people would take pictures of me over the years. The meditation pictures are in the book. You know, and being able to be thankful in life. Even if I ended up living out of my office for six months right there, I was still thankful trying to start my business in 20, made some bad financial decisions, stayed sober, but lost everything again.

01:31:32:03 – 01:31:48:03
Stefan Rudolph
You know, I went through all this shift, the holy shift, and I said, okay, enough’s enough. And people like you inspire me, Nate. So I appreciate all the work you’re doing to help others. And, you know, the nutrition helps you give me in the tips. I get your emails all the time. I just click for growth.

01:31:48:03 – 01:32:01:07
Nathan Crane
See? That’s awesome. That’s awesome. Did or stay fun, my friend. It was great catching up, man Love to see you doing so awesome and appreciate you coming on the podcast man. We’ll stay in touch for sure.

01:32:02:13 – 01:32:05:22
Stefan Rudolph
Yeah, I’m going to be out there in Florida will definitely hook up. So see you soon.

01:32:05:22 – 01:32:10:19
Nathan Crane
Let’s do it. You’ll inspire me to get back into some, uh, some racquetball again.

01:32:10:19 – 01:32:12:20
Stefan Rudolph
Racquetball, hockey bruisers right now.

01:32:12:21 – 01:32:17:03
Nathan Crane
But I in. Yeah. Take care. They do.